


till the end of time

by toffeelemon



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Bisexual Steve Rogers, Canon Compliant, Fix-It of Sorts, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Post-Canon Fix-It, Spoilers, like major spoilers, stucky !!, time heist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-08 13:39:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18624373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toffeelemon/pseuds/toffeelemon
Summary: !!!!!!!!!! AVENGERS ENDGAME SPOILERS !!!!!!!!!......Steve has always been in love with Bucky, for as long as he remembered, but never had the chance or circumstance to act on it. The two of them finding their way back to each other in the liberal 21st century is the second chance that Steve needed - but so is the possibility of going back to Peggy. How can Steve keep one love without destroying the other?





	till the end of time

**Author's Note:**

> the more i thought about the endgame ending the more mad i got lol
> 
> this is my first mcu please be nice! i just wanted to fix it reeeeee

“I saw her, Bucky. She was right there. For a second, I thought - this was my second chance,” Steve murmurs, sitting hunched on one of the shiny chrome operating tables, letting a clever robot patch him up. Bucky is perched next to him, his shoulders slightly bumping into his side and steadying Steve if he ever needs it - physically or emotionally, he’s not quite sure. Bucky is just staying with him for the sake of being here with Steve, he isn’t nearly as injured and has since been patched up quickly. 

A lot has happened. A lot is happening right now - they won, they lost Tony, and some wizard threw them through a hole in space into Wakanda where it’s easiest and quickest to patch everyone up. After all, Avengers HQ has just been burned to the ground. Again. Steve isn’t even sure has he met the wizard before, he doesn’t think he can begin to question the reality of  _ wizards  _ \- he’s been through space and time, nothing can phase Steve Rogers anymore. He wants to tell Bucky all about it, he knows that Bucky loves that nerdy kind of thing. Bucky might not remember Stark Expos, but he still loves Wakandan technology and the 21st century hardly throws him off. Bucky almost thrives in it. Nowadays Bucky is so full of life again and laps all of this technologically wonderful world right up, in between being caught in fights. Steve wonders if Bucky will ever get the chance to go to space too, not for a battle, just because they can go to space now - he might actually love it.

Steve is actually so glad he got Bucky back. For Bucky, the fight in Wakanda is just like yesterday, quite literally, and Bucky is all tired and confused and just happy to be alive - but Steve had to live without him for five years, grieving in a quiet sort of way and regrettably numbing the feeling into acceptance slowly, even though he didn’t know how to move on. Steve has lost Bucky many times: the first time he hardly had any time to grief, walking into his death right away with pure resolve. Steve sometimes regret leaving Peggy behind, but in the moment, if he ever were to be honest to himself, he probably didn’t quite know how to live in a world without Bucky Barnes, the prospect scarier than a death wish. 

Then he wakes up in the 21st century, and has to learn to live without them both. Mourning Peggy is different - Steve has no choice but to accept that he is a man of a different time now, and that she has lived her life and now Steve has to live his too, regardless. But Bucky - Steve keeps losing Bucky, and yet Bucky is never really gone, not physically, anyway, so it strings Steve on painfully and hopefully, anything for the second chance at Bucky, at what Steve’s own life could've been before it ended too early. The second chance that he knows he couldn’t have with Peggy.

Except that now Steve does have that second chance. To go back to where - when - he belongs, and live the life with Peggy that he never had the chance to. They all know that someone has to return the stones back to where-when they came from, and without Tony anymore, Steve easily deduces that person to be him. If not, he would have volunteered anyway. It is tempting. It would be so easy for Steve to stay and just have his dance with Peggy that he never had, to love Peggy and live with her and stay by her side, like he was supposed to. Steve hasn’t thought about the logistics of time travel yet, it isn’t exactly his expertise - but he suspects that he wouldn’t disrupt much, what with his past self stuck under the ice and all. And even if Steve does disturb the space-time continuum or whatever, creating a parallel universe where he wouldn’t grow old to see Sam and Bucky in the now or even the fight with Thanos at all - Steve cannot even argue himself how bad would that outcome be. Ever since the day he died (and then came back to life several decades later) there isn’t one single day when he doesn’t miss Peggy. He loves her so, and knows for a fact that he wouldn’t live a day when he doesn’t love her anymore. Steve isn’t quite sure that he can live with that fact and leave Peggy in the past.

But there is also his second chance with Bucky. Bucky has been doing so well lately, to the point where his mind is almost always with them all the time and he’s finally healthy and happy and thriving - it just hasn’t gotten to the point where they can spend time together yet, before the end of the world caught up with them again. After they lost, the resolute pain is comparable to the pain of loss Steve feels for Peggy. He should feel guilty, because this time when he loses Bucky he loses everyone else too - Sam and Wanda and Fury - but somehow Steve cannot help but be so angry about his lost opportunity. Yet again. Sometimes he rants in the therapy sessions, about how he can’t really get over losing the love of his life - and Steve doesn’t even quite know is he talking about Peggy or Bucky. Perhaps both. 

Steve knows that the way he loves Bucky is no different from his love for Peggy, and is literally (and figuratively) too old to not just peacefully accept the fact by now. Back in their time, it couldn’t really be a possibility, Steve has seen too many (and hasn’t tried defending enough) _queens_ getting beaten in the back alleys of Brooklyn to know. Bucky has just always been there in his life, and Steve has always been wordlessly loving him, never acting on it beyond longing stares, lingering embraces and tender touches, having accepted that it was just another thing that was wrong with him. Steve knows better now - he has known ever since he woke up from the serum, having been cured of all his illnesses, and yet Bucky still persists in his mind, his anchor that would never go away. They never had a chance back in their time, Bucky knew it as well as Steve did - even though Steve was almost sure that the feeling was mutual, they never said it out loud. But times are different now, in 2023 - Steve distinctively remembers a video call between them a few months before the war with Thanos, Bucky animatedly describing the Wakandan wedding between two women that he had attended, and how a particular Wakandan tribe has an ancient belief in more than two genders and gender fluidity. With the Wakandan high speed internet, the awe in Bucky’s eyes was crystal clear - he looks at Steve pointedly, and although they never said a word out loud, that was the closest to acknowledging their love for each other, that it is possible now. Steve likes looking on the bright side of life - and the opportunity that the 21st century has given him and Bucky is not lost on either of them. Bucky hasn’t been well enough for them to even _ do anything _ for the past years - but he is now, and after almost a century of knowing each other, they can finally live their lives, authentically. And yet, Steve cannot leave Peggy in the past.

 

“You’re thinking about going back, aren’t you,” Bucky asks, the day after Tony’s funeral, catching Steve lingering on the deck. Pepper has very kindly made the Stark shack the makeshift Avengers HQ for now, with Bruce and Scott already working on the trip back. They need to put the stones back as soon as possible before anything else goes wrong again, there was no time to lose. It is basically general consensus that Steve should be the one to do it, and Steve suspects Bucky is referring to more than just a time heist mission. He nods. Bucky stops beside him, looking at Steve sadly and almost, understandingly. 

“And I assume you’re not coming back,” Bucky mutters, almost a whisper. Steve sighs - he feels guilty already. It does sound like he is abandoning Bucky, in a time and place where he doesn’t really have anyone else - not anyone who can ground him and belongs like Steve does, anyway.

“I need to live this life. I cannot go on knowing that I have a chance to but am not going for it. I love her, Buck, what we had was hardly enough, I simply cannot go on without trying to fight for more time with her. We… we never even got to have our dance. And next thing I know, I am at her funeral. I want to live the life that we never got to have.”

“You love me too,” Bucky says quietly, gently as if it’s a suggestion. It is a known fact, silent between the two of them, Bucky is just stating it. Steve doesn’t want to hurt Bucky - he does. He really does love Bucky, just like he loves Peggy. But Bucky is no longer lost, and now that Peggy can be found again too, Steve can’t not fight for her.

“I do,” Steve sighs, reaching out to hold Bucky’s hand in his. Bucky lets him, despite knowing that Steve’s sentence isn’t over, because Bucky's weak, and he's lived too many years of allowing himself whatever scraps that Steve has to offer. “But I have had you for my entire life. With Peggy, I don’t even know what is it like to have a home with her, to grow old together with her, I didn’t even have the chance to try. But now I do, and I need to take that chance.”

“So, you had enough of us, but not of her,” Bucky concludes, only slightly bitterly, turning his gaze away. Steve panics - he curses himself for being in love with two people at once. It hadn’t meant to happen, he has always been in love with Bucky and Bucky only, but then it was a lost cause. There was never anything more to it, Steve was happy with Bucky and miserable at the same time. And then Peggy came into his life - Steve was more than content with letting himself fall for her, all whilst always quietly loving Bucky, knowing that it was enough. And the present day has granted him Bucky, and the opportunity for them to love openly now, with Peggy long gone. The universe has never been kind to Steve, letting him have both of his loves - but now he has a chance to, and Steve hates himself for being selfish, but he accepted that fact long ago, when he went to hell and back just to keep Bucky by his side. He is selfish.

“Bucky… no! I will never get enough of you, I just… Hell, why don’t you just come with me then? Back home, back to Brooklyn,” Steve says exasperatedly, gripping onto Bucky on both elbows. Bucky isn’t seriously resisting, but he puts quite some force into holding them apart anyway, staring at Steve intensely. It almost looks like there are unshed tears in his eyes.

“Come  _ home _ with you? And then what, Steve Rogers lives a life of domestic bliss with his wife and his illicit lover boy under the same roof? How do you expect me to live the rest of my life with you, knowing what we could have been but I will never be able to have?” Bucky shoves him a bit, but Steve holds him in place, speechless. Steve really doesn’t have a response to that - he can’t go back to Peggy without hurting Bucky, but if he stays with Bucky, he will never give all of himself fully into their relationship, living with all the what-ifs and missed opportunities with Peggy, and it isn’t fair on Bucky either. 

Bucky eventually slacks from resisting, and Steve lets go as well, watching him forlorningly with those awful puppy eyes. Bucky raises a hand to hold Steve’s cheek, which Steve leans into, breath shaky as he relishes in Bucky’s touch.The dilemma just digs deeper - Steve isn’t sure if he could really let go of this. 

“It’s fine, go without me. This is all I’ve ever wanted, no? For you to be happy - to find a dame and marry her so you won’t be miserable and alone,” Bucky strokes his cheek gently, choking out a tearful laugh. “I love you, Steve - who am I to keep you away from what makes you happy?” 

Steve instinctively goes to argue, but stops himself, realising that it’s exactly what he wanted to hear from Bucky, as horrible as that is. To get Bucky’s blessing and reassurance that he’ll be okay without Steve. Bucky smiles at him when the air between them go silent, that terrible smile stretching wide across his cheeks but never really reaching his sad eyes. It’s settled then, even though Bucky is heartbroken. Steve wants to thank him, go into a babble of gratitude of Bucky tolerating his selfish, sporadic self and his stupid decisions, for sticking by Steve no matter what. But he doesn’t - because this doesn’t mean Steve is giving Bucky up. He would never. 

Steve pulls Bucky closer, leaning in to kiss him. Bucky’s eyes flutter shut and he lets Steve, lips shaky as he sighs into the kiss. Bucky might be crying, or just overwhelmed. Steve suspects he might be tearing up too - he really isn’t paying much attention except for finally having Bucky here, right in his hands. It’s their first kiss since 1935 - they were stupid drunk that night, laughing at everything whilst huddling in the corner of their shared room. Bucky didn’t have this beard then, and Steve was but a skinny little boy, his entire torso easily fitting into Bucky’s arms. Them, a hazy memory of denied secrets and unspoken words behind closed doors, literally felt like a lifetime ago - Steve realises that he didn’t have quite enough of this yet, either. 

“I love you too, Buck, I will love you till the end,” Steve plants a kiss, softer, on his forehead. “I’ll come back to you, I promise. Knowing time travel, you wouldn’t even notice that I was gone.”

They grasp onto each other in a bone crushing hug, Bucky’s hold a tight grip, as if committing every little part of Steve Rogers to memory. He knows that Steve promises to return, but Bucky Barnes knows better than to be the helpless damsel spending the rest of his life hoping. Bucky desperately hopes that Steve does stick to his end of the promise, but is prepared for if he never comes back, either. Bucky already has more than he could ask for: a second chance at life outside of being a broken killing machine, a life long enough to see flying cars and spaceships and holograms, and to see Steve again - if it weren’t for Steve not giving up on him, he wouldn’t even have this. Bucky convinces himself that he truly has enough already.

 

They don’t let Steve’s send off turn into an emotional drag - it is supposed to be just a simple mission, and he would come back in five seconds, after taking God knows how long to settle all his affairs. Steve smiles warmly at Bucky, silently thanking him. Not that Steve Rogers ever needed his permission to do anything reckless anyway - Bucky chuckled bitterly despite himself. 

“Don’t miss me too much, buddy,” he says, actually entirely sincere.  They share a laugh - uncomfortable, rueful, warm and reassuring - a multitude of words going unsaid.

“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back,” Steve echoes Bucky’s words, meaning every one of them. He doesn’t know if he is going to return as soon as he is expected - yes, he has decided to stay with Peggy, but the mission could also still go wrong, like every one that Steve has gone on before. He needs to know that Bucky can, and will, live on without him, no matter what happens. Otherwise, Steve would never forgive himself. Bucky nods, then rolls his eyes to cover up the sentiment.

“How could I? You’re taking all the stupid with you,” Steve’s faith in Bucky is never misplaced. Bucky will be fine, Steve steeled himself. And in the blink of an eye, he was gone. 

In the longest five second countdown of his life, Bucky muses if Steve will come back having aged ten years, or in his fifties, even - it would be absurdly fun if he brings a child back. Bucky isn’t quite well versed in the intricacies of time travel just yet. It's just five seconds for Bucky - he wouldn't mind Steve living a lifetime for a while.

The five seconds is over, and Steve is nowhere in sight. Sam and Bruce panics, but Bucky only lets out a long exhale, the suspense and anticipation over. Steve is never coming back, then. Bucky shifts his focus away from the portalling pad, glancing over the lake, wondering if Steve, his Steve, is still on this world, in their universe. Whether Steve lived the life he deserved in the end. That’s when Bucky saw him. Steve.

Bucky is calm and hardly outwardly surprised the entire time, and not even bothering to approach Steve whilst Sam takes his time to take everything in. At least Steve has kept his word and returned to him - although he has already lived a life, without Bucky. Bucky wonders if he can manage to love this Steve, who is ninety years old and feeble and more importantly, is years away from Bucky, despite it having only been a mere minute for Bucky himself. Bucky doesn’t even mind how Steve looks or how old he actually is - he is hit with the realisation that whatever time they have, it would be limited. Steve’s body must be almost a hundred years old by now - Bucky almost understands Steve’s agony over Peggy Carter, to only find his way back to his love when she is already dying and counting down the days. Bucky doesn’t question his ability to love Steve, he can always love Steve, no matter what, after Steve having been there for him through being an empty shell of an assassin - and yet, the anxiety of their numbered days haunts Bucky. Steve is back, but Bucky will lose him very, very soon - and it is a difficult thought to stomach, after only having lost Steve and their entire life ahead of them five whole seconds ago. 

Steve doesn’t tell Sam, but he tells Bucky everything, over dinner in Stark’s garden shed (in which they have been taking refuge in for the past few days). Bucky couldn’t find it him to be heartbroken, when Steve’s eyes are sparkling with joy, telling Bucky about the wedding and the kids and visiting England in the 80s. The entire night, Steve is peering at Bucky curiously, as if gauging Bucky’s reaction. Bucky doesn’t give him much to go on, being too shocked himself to properly react. After all, Steve is an old man - Bucky imagines there would be no benefit from exposing his true feelings to Steve’s frail heart. Bucky tucks Steve into bed that night, and spends the entire night outside, sleeplessly staring over the water.

The next morning, Steve conspiringly gathers Scott and Bruce for some science talk, presumably about how he managed to not destroy the space-time continuum and end up back in the same place - most of the funeral party due to leave stayed another night, after the shock outcome of their last mission. Bucky lets him be, despite wanting to spend as much time with Steve as possible, incredibly anxious about their palpable yet short future. He needs some time to gather his thoughts anyway - Bucky has spend much of the last decades thinking that growing old with Steve together was a total luxury, but this is the last outcome that he had ever wished upon himself. It’s only been less than forty hours ago that Bucky convinced himself that he would be fine with a lifetime without Steve - the idea hasn’t even settled yet. He doesn't know what is worse - to watch Steve die very, very soon, or for him to never have returned.

Bucky methodically washes everyone’s car out on the porch, even though Tony Stark probably had robots to do that, just because he can - ever since his recovery, Bucky has always found menial tasks helpful to focus his thoughts, and the cars were a practical signifier to remind him to plan for where he and Steve should go next, and how to make the best out of whatever life they have left. Instead of dwelling on the pain, it's better to move forward. Steve is still here. They can still have a life ahead of them

Steve walks out of the house - _ Bucky’s _ Steve, the one who’s tall and broad with a manly squared jaw and his swooping hair swept up, looking like he hasn’t aged a day since yesterday, before he left Bucky. Bucky gapes in disbelief, the hose he was holding dropping onto the floor and flailing around on the ground, spraying water everywhere. In a split second, they were running towards each other, Steve beaming at him with outstretched arms that Bucky runs right into. Bucky holds on and never lets go - Steve lets out a happy laugh, squeezing him back. They’re showered in the hose’s spray and remain there for infinity - Bucky doesn’t even care. Steve came back, and it really is as if he has never left, like he just promised. They still have a life ahead of them.

“Steve? Steve! Is that really you? Fuck,” Bucky chuckles in pure astonishment, running his hands over Steve’s cheeks. Bucky hasn't seen this face for only a day, and he already missed it. He would never tear his eyes away ever again, even for five seconds.

“I thought… I thought you were old!” Bucky settles on dumbly, after being at a total lost for words, gazing at Steve. Steve chuckles, smiling with his entire face - his eyes, his cheeks, his mouth. Bucky couldn't even begin to imagine how much Steve missed him. Steve has went away for sixty odd years - he had a happy and fulfilling life with Peggy, but he was glad to finally be back home again, with Bucky.

“I had a lot of years to think about this, Buck. They don’t only put people through time with that thing - you can put time through people, too. At least, that’s the basic idea of the mechanism,” Steve sounds stupidly wise - Bucky doesn’t dwell on the fact that he has lived half a century longer than him. Through the years, Steve never really changes - Bucky can always recognise his Steve in a heartbeat, even through a blank brain and years of being under the ice. 

“I’m back, I’m here now,” Steve declares, and Bucky’s heart swells, the sentiment not lost on him despite Steve not really been lost for more than a day. Steve has spent decades away - and he came back, reversed his entire life again, just so he could spend it with Bucky all over again. 

“Bucky Barnes, do you wanna spend the rest of our lives together?” 

Bucky pulls him into an urgent kiss - they melt into each other, drags each other closer and closer whilst still getting thoroughly soaked in front of the house, not giving a care in the world. Bucky never thought he would live to see this day, having all of Steve like he always wanted, loving him loud and shamelessly in the light of day where everyone could see. Bucky is never letting go - second chances are too rare to come by. Steve is more than happy to comply, making up for lost time. They only pull apart when Bucky realises that it isn’t the best idea to make out in front of Tony Stark’s house, a few days after his funeral. Steve is breathless, grinning at him. 

“I’ve been waiting a century for you to say that, jerk.”


End file.
